I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Randomize
