I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Well I just put wine in my tea
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Couch. On fire.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
