yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
