my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
