If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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