I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
