I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
