Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
