how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
