the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Im part way to drunk.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
