I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
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