apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
