hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
