could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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