my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
