just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
