It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
