It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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