I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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