Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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