your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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