I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
