i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
