I just cut my nipple shaving
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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