I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
