If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
