youre lurking in front of me
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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