So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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