I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
