I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
