Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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