If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
