Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
