3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
