Swine flu. Run for my life!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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