shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
