I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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