I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You smell like stripper and shame
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
