What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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