I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I think my moral compass just broke
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