I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
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