We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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