That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
