Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
