lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
