I heard we made out
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
