So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
