I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
