she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
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I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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