Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He uses pillows to masturbate.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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