your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
