I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
