You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
