i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
