Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
