She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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