So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
