i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
