It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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