no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
