somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
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