just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
