Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
actually, I'm a sock model
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
