I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
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He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
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my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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