also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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