so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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